there's a huge spider lurking around on my floor D:

I'm like SERIOUSLY worried about moving!!!!!!!!! I've already been to the school. I didn't have friends then, and I'm scared of the present. I have always had somewhat trouble with what we all call FRIENDS and making them.  But how can a word mean so much? Friends mean ALOT. Just like love. Friends to me are as important to me as love. Two things I want to find in life: Him ,and A best friend that claims me as her's. (Like in all of the movies). The best friends that tell eachother everything, and have no secrets, and share everything. I don't think I will ever have a friend like that. Sometimes I don't think I'm good enough. Maybe there's somehting wrong with me. I'm not pretty. The worst quality within me is self-depreciation.  I'm quite well with hiding my feelings and puting on a smile. But now....the duration of them seem to become smaller and weaker with everyday. I don't believe im a good person. People sometimes tell me im not.  Why are people so judgemental? Why can't we all seriously just get along? Why can't I keep my room clean for atleast 2 days? Why do people make fun of people for the joy? Why do i completely love Romeo+Juliet so much? Why do I watch movies all day? Why do I read? Why do I listen to music? Why do I try? Why do I study? Why do I go to school? Why do I even bother getting up? I could just put the whole world behind me and just ignore it. Sometimes I feel like "What's the frekin point, I don't care anymore." But, somewhere inside me I have that strength that helps me get up and everything else. That strengt that makes me smile and be happy and want to go to school. My strength would have to be my three besties. I'm worried about moving for the most part because i'm afraid they will give up on me.  I know two of them wouldn't but im not sure about the other(s). I would do ANYTHING for them. So it's late and i should try to go to sleep and im gonna use rorys idea and pop in amanda palmer........plus theres a huge spider in my room and im gonna go kill it and scream die. Piano music helps me sleep. I've decided not to say I love yall because im not gonna just throw my I love you's around. But I love you mikayla, and Rory, and Jolyn.